I graduated

Yes, you read that correctly. As of this Saturday, May 13, 2006, I am officially (ok, its not official until the diploma arrives sometime in July…) a college graduate with a Bachelor of Science in Computer Studies with a minor in Art from University of Maryland, University College. My collegiate journey began fall of 1982 at Seminole Community College in Sanford, FL. The bulk of the journey, however, has been in the last five years, with much concentration and no life since January 2005. The journey from there to the here and now has been my life, and it has taken twists and turns I could never have imagined, including a cast of characters so colorful no fiction author could have ever created.
Graduation has brought about more than the usual casual introspection as I reexamine my life. I wonder what my life would have been like had I been more diligent and pursued my degree back when everyone else in my circle did. Would I have been more successful? Probably. Would the choices I made in my life been more thoughtful, more informed and less impulsive? Yes, yes and no – I would have had the tools to make more informed and thoughtful choices, but innate personality is one thing that doesn’t change no matter how educated one becomes. Would I have still married the absolutely most wrong man for me? Probably not – most likely I would not have been in the place and time that allowed me to meet that man.
Speculation on what might have been can drive one crazy – who can say what my life would have been like having made other decisions? It is clear that each decision I made has led me to today. Don’t misunderstand, today isn’t bad, it is however, not what it could have been. That is what I mourn. I always thought when I finally achieved my degree, I would feel more complete, and that its acquisition would eliminate my feeling of being less than. Right now, my accomplishment is bittersweet at best. So far, it hasn’t eliminated that inferior feeling and that bothers me. Will it ever go away?
On a happier note, my graduation dinner was a grand time Saturday night that I celebrated with my friends. It was interesting to see four of my worlds intersecting in one place and time, all seeming to coexist peacefully. Pictures are forth coming. Thank you to all who made it to my party – you made the party as special as it was.