This week, its small gestures that wants my attention. When something reaches a critical mass of influence I find that I must take notice and acknowledge its existance – else, the thing really starts snowballing and I am run over by its sheer force of will to be noticed.

Small gestures have been appearing in my life in many ways, from hidden smileys left in a book I am reading to winks, from friendly “hey there” emails to unexpected kind words from friends and finally smiles to/from perfect strangers. Small gestures are all around us, everyday. Some days, we are so wrapped up in our own little world, we can fail to notice the small gestures that would so easily take a day from ho-hum to good, and from good to great. We really should make an effort to notice and replenish the world’s supply of small gestures.

I think this all started earlier this week, when the small gestures idea was brought to my attention in a conversation with a friend. We talked about how a positive attitude expressed in an email, or conversation or our actions can spread outward to affect more than just the immediate receiver. It was the dawning of another realization – we are all connected, and our actions reverberate much father than we ever realize. It’s a powerful notion; to think that the smile you give to a perfect stranger can make itself known in ripple effects across the world.

So, here’s my small gesture right now, I’ve got a smile on my face and I’m winking at you. Have a great day. 🙂

I always wrestle with whether or not I should celebrate today, as it’s a bit weird for me.

August 5 is significant in two ways.

The first anniversary that I celebrate is August 5, 1950 when Ed H. married Flo N. in a catholic ceremony, and celebrated with family and friends at the local firehall.

It was the official birth of my immediate family and a marriage that is the stuff of dreams.

Somehow, I picked the right set of parents to be born to that would allow me to witness what real love means.

Even though both Ed and Flo are no longer here, today marks their 54th wedding anniversary.

So, happy anniversary mom and dad!

My other anniversary is a bit trickier, and what causes me the most consternation in the debate of whether or not to celebrate it.

Because it too is an anniversary of a marriage, but the end of one, not the hopeful start.

Today is the anniversary of my divorce.

Each year as it rolls around, I stop and reflect on what it means to me.

Divorce is rarely easy – unless of course you’re Britney Spears, and mine was no exception.

What I celebrate on this day is my emancipation from a relationship that was literally and figuratively sapping all the life from me.

But along with that happiness of emancipation is looking back to remember what I left behind, and most of that was me.

A me I’ll never be able to reclaim.

I wish I could say that I felt the time was well spent, but I cannot.

I can only say that in order to get where I am today (and thatis happy) I had to go through my marriage to get here.

It is an annual milestone of sorts, that makes me stop and see just how far I’ve gone in the previous year — and reminds me of how far I still have to go.

So I guess its happy anniversary to me too.

I think I like mom and dad’s anniversary just a bit better, though.

Went to see my favorite musician/band in concert last night, The Edwin McCain
Band. The show was wonderful – as always is the case with me, I get so caught
up in the music, that I sometimes forget that there is anyone else in the room
with me. The venue (The Birchmere, Alexandria, VA) was new to me but a very
pleasant place to experience an intimate show. I think I’ll go back for other
shows. I enjoyed the company of friends and during the pre show, had fun comparing
musical knowledge/trivia. This has just made us more than ever interested in playing the 80’s
version of Trivial Pursuit.

From the show, I was especially happy to hear some
of my favorite non-hit songs(“Take Me”, “Far From Over”, “Sun Will Shine Again”)
from the “Misguided Roses” and “Far From Over” CD’s. One of the funniest realizations
was that Edwin seemed to morph before my very eyes in to actor Jack Black, recently
of “School of Rock” fame. The show was a long one by most folks standards coming
in at about 2 1/2 hours, give or take. I was amazed at what that time frame
allows a performer to accomplish, as EMB played a full-bodied selection from
all 6 of his albums. I was pleased to note that I knew a good 95% of his songs.
By the time Edwin and his lead guitarist, Larry Chaney, played the last note
of the night’s encore, I (and the rest of my gang) was ready to go home.

In the wake of the last 3 or 4 “late-late” nights this week, it has finally dawned
upon me that I can no longer run on empty for several days. I am definitely
one of those folks which requires a full 8 hours of sleep to function properly.
As I write, the compulsion to lay my head down on my desk and catch a few winks
is more than appealing, it seems like a reasonable thing to do.

I’ve had my first cup of coffee this morning, and am waiting on the effects
to finally kick in. The pertinent aspect of all of this is the recent spate
of reports that talk about sleep deprivation,
and its negative affects. There are a whole host of things that lack of sleep
can manifest from impaired judgment, to illnesses and even shorter life spans.
The thought used to be that once you lost sleep hours you could not make them
up, ever. New studies have since said that you actually could make up the sleep
deficit within a week of the deficit, if you actually add the missing number
of hours into your regular sleep time, but it had to occur during a one week
timeframe. Unfortunately, I am so sleep deprived that I cannot actually find
the link to the study that I heard about recently on either ABC’s Good Morning
America or WTOP FM News. You’ll just have to take my word for it.

The plan for tonight is an early bed-time, hopefully, to recover some of the
hours lost over the last few days. Wish me luck, and sweet dreams!

Thursday, August 5: A 1 day later amendment to this post: (which includes my obligatory clean up of sleep deprivation writing style & errors) Delegatrix pointed out during our drive in today, that Edwin’s set was 2.5 hours long, and that time estimate did not include the opening act, Blue Dogs from Charleston, SC 45 minute set. So a very long night indeed…

I am so proud, tickled and touched. I am a sap, and I’m an unobservant friend, to boot. Somehow out of sheer luck, a friend revealed to me first, that she had gotten engaged last night. I have to admit, I was certainly more happy and excited for her, than I ever was at my own engagement, and we all know where that relationship ended up. 😉

Had I been a better friend, I would have noticed the ring on her finger that she was discretely trying to get my attention with, instead I blathered on about my weekend. So, I guess I’m a bit perplexed by my reaction – its not like this was a big surprise, they’ve been dancing around this subject for a while. But my reaction, is well, one of sheer joy for them. Perhaps her happy circumstance gives me hope that there are happily ever afters out there for the rest of us. Not to overly romanticize/sentimentalize this too much, as said friend would probably gag, and then laugh at me, but I have looked at her relationship and concluded a while ago that they were a really good fit. They do what I assume all the really good couples do in a relationship – they work things out, little bit by little bit. But my opinion really doesn’t matter – its only what they think that matters. And they think they wanna get married!

So, I guess I just wanted to be the first to blog that my friend is getting married – how cool is that? What a way to start the week, with such schmabulous news!

Like I said at the start of this post, I am a sap.

The information super highway seems to have sped up more than just how we get
new information. It seems its supped up the speed of relationship status as
well –at least among men. When does a guy that you’ve gone out with turn into
the guy you’re “dating”, and from there, when does he become considered “the
boyfriend”?

Consider RT, she recently discovered that a guy she went out with once had told
mutual acquaintances that he had broken up with her. Huh? Do you actually have enough of a “relationship”
to break up after one little date?

And then there’s the whole men think way
differently than women issue on what constitutes a significant relationship, that’s why a lot of women prefer to find a man on the best sugar daddy website. LW
and her boyfriend are talking, and he’ll allude to a former girl friend. For reference
LW will ask “So how long were you 2 together?” and his answer: 3 weeks to a month. Please, that time frame constitutes the “girlfriend” moniker?

Sheesh, no wonder men are commitment shy – they think women they date for more
than 2 weeks automatically become their girl friend! Talk about a gender gap!

So, what time frames delineate the significant relationship changes from:

•  A guy you go out with to the guy you’re dating
•  From the guy you’re dating to the guy you date exclusively? (And is
  there the “exclusive talk”?)
•  And does being exclusive mean he’s your boyfriend and if so, then when is it appropriate
  to start calling him by his new name?

For me, I always thought it took a lot longer to progress through the various stages. Am I wrong? If I am, then we’ve all been someone’s girl friend a lot more than we ever imagined. Sheesh!