Sounds like a title from the National Enquirer article, or some such supermarket tabloid, right? Nope, its one of the theories the Farmer

This came through a while ago, but I loved it enough to track it down on someone else’s blog. So here it is, the signs of true friendship:

• When you are sad …I will get you drunk and help you
  plot revenge against the sorry bastard
• When you are blue …I’ll try to dislodge whatever is choking you.
• When you smile …I’ll know that you finally got laid.
• When you are scared, …I will rag you about it every chance I get.
• When you are worried …I will tell you horrible stories about how
  much worse it could be and to quit whining.
• When you are confused …I will use little words to explain.
• When you are sick, stay away from me until you’re well
  again.
• When you fall, I will point and laugh at your clumsy ass.

Send this to ten of your closest friends and get depressed because you can only think of two, right now anyway. Remember: A friend will help you move. A really good friend will help you move a body.

This is my oath, I pledge ’til the end. Why, you may ask? Because you’re my friend!

Tonight I walked in the door at 7 pm. Abby’s ready and rarin’ to go — she couldn’t decide whether she wanted to go outside first or eat. Not wanting to go out later, I drag her out then.

That accomplished, its time to bound up the stairs to go do her favorite thing in the whole wide world– E-A-T. Back inside, I get her food, and on command she lays down, (its the ONLY time she ever obeys me) all the while she’s slobbering wildly in anticipation, and I get her to do this “tremors” thingy that is probably more like torture to her, but heck, I takes my fun where I finds it. In less than the time it takes me to walk out of the kitchen, she has scarfed her dinner and is looking for more. Not so unusual for Abby, right? Right.

So I go to change out of my work clothes, and while I’m only 20 feet away, I hear this sound, that can only be described as the pantry door being nudged open by a beagle nose, and the MilkBone box being dragged off the shelf. Then the sound of a little beagle eatting Milk Bones as fast as she can, because she knows I can hear her and she has very limited gobble time left. You should have seen the “Who me, what was I doing?” look on her face when I came back into the kitchen and caught her red “pawed” in the Milkbones box… Yeah, right… Guilty- Schmilty

So “they” say we might be in for some cold, cold weather this week, perhaps even some snow… Just to remind (a.k.a “torture”) myself where I used to live, I found this pix of the Venetian Canal, which connects the Winter Park chain of lakes. I remember living on Lake Virginia… Sigh…

So, most people who have ever met Abby, know the one true truth about her — her favorite 1st, 2nd and 3rd things in the world are food, food and more food. I have warned people that Abby can, will, and most definately get to food if you leave it within paw’s reach. She will get to it even if it’s just out of paw’s reach, but perhaps within standing on her hind legs or jumping reach.

So for Thanksgiving I made it a priority to tell everyone, little kids included:

1. Do not feed Abby human food, its not good for her

AND

2. Do not place food close to the edge of the table or counter- place it as far away from the edge as possible.

to no avail…

Offense #1: “Someone” left a full plate of crab dip on a chair seat. Boy, oh boy did she go to town on that one. She loves the rich, creamy, crabby, cheesy stuff. Sadly, it doesn’t love her…and we smelt how it doesn’t love her the next day– all day long…

The most heinous of crimes: Ever see the commercial where a guy is entertaining and he sets a WHOLE ham out on the dining room table? Then see the host’s Jack Russell Terrier chowing down on said ham — cut to the host in the kitchen washing off the parts of the ham that had dog lips and slobber on it… You get the picture– now just replace “ham” with turkey and stuffing… 1/3 of the plate that was set at the edge of the table went M.I.A.

You could hear my scream of “Aaaaaaaaabbbbbbyyyyy! Nooooooooooooooooo!!” throughout the neighborhood.

What am I most thankful for? These people were my friends before the turkey swiping incident, and are still my friends, post-turkey swiping incident. I just don’t know if I can ever forgive the person who left the crab dip for her — that was a stinky Friday indoors!