Guess what I don’t have? (Its a good thing!)

by Carollynn on 24 January 2014

Breast Cancer Awareness Pink Ribbon

Cue the dramatic music…dum dum DUM!!!!!

The last several weeks have been a little nerve wracking for me. You see, I had a cancer scare. Yep, that’s right, I thought I might have breast cancer.

A few short weekends ago I was lying in bed, snuggling with the GRRR Girls, when one of them pawed me in a breast. That little action reminded me it was time to do a self breast exam. Now, I’ll be honest here – I don’t do this monthly, because I’m human and I forget. AND – its kind of icky to think about doing, because lord knows what you might find, right? But I do do it with regularity. So there I was, just meandering around, palpating as my gyno taught me to do and there, on my left breast was what felt like a mass of tissue — dare I call it a B I G lump? This was new and really scary. The one good thing – I always look for something good in any bad situation – the one good thing is that it didn’t hurt – the hard mass wasn’t the least bit tender. I’d read somewhere, that lumps can be painful.

Back to the timeline of fear – its the weekend, and there’s nothing I can do until Monday when my physician’s office opens. So I wait, and fret, and get scared, and do online research, and get more scared. Monday rolls around and I call my doctor’s office. Because I say I found a lump, I’m able to get an appointment that week. Its amazing how fast things happen when they think you have CANCER…

My first bit of hopeful news – the Doc reminds me I have dense breasts, and while she doesn’t think its anything more than that, it is time for the annual smooshing of the breast festivities (i.e. mammogram). This year, I get the bonus round: a bilateral sonogram. The tough part is I can’t get an appointment at my favorite radiology center for a week.

So I wait, and try not to fret about what may or may not be going on inside of my body. I wonder if I get the dreaded diagnosis what will happen? What stage am I in? Do I need a mastectomy? Do I have to have chemotherapy? If I do, will I lose my hair? Crap – I don’t look good with short hair – bald would be absolutely hideous on me. And on and on it goes. We’re our own worst enemy. And then I wondered, what if this is fatal? I’m not ready to die, there’s too much left I haven’t done, or seen or tried or learned. I tried to make peace with myself and buck up just like countless other legendary women who have braved breast cancer and beat it. (Former Orlando Anchorwoman, Wendy Chioji, my cousins, my aunt, my mother-in-law to name a few). But the fear kept slipping back in.

The best protection is early detection

Today was the day I went for the mammogram and sonogram at Georgetown University Hospital. I wish I could say that the day dawned and I bravely marched out to meet my fate. Not so much, I went about day, except that today, I couldn’t wear any deodorant. I am thankful (grateful even) it was only 24 degrees F outside. Off I went to the hospital for my procedures and tried to be nonchalant about it, but inside I was quaking. The staff there were lovely, calm and very professional. I guess they see fear in the eyes of a lot of women each day, so they know just what manner to adopt to get us through this relatively fast and painless process.

First up was the breast smoosh for both of the girls. After multiple sets of images were taken from multiple, slightly uncomfortable angles, the technician said that while she was not a radiologist, she wasn’t seeing anything that concerned her. REALLLY!!!!??? My heart was beating so fast at those words. It wasn’t a diagnosis that I could call conclusive right then, but it was something, and sometimes something is what gets you to get through. Buoyed by a small measure of positivity, I waited for the next test – the sonogram. A very handsome Argentinian doctor performed the sonogram, and was immediately forthright with what he was and wasn’t seeing. Yes, there was hard, dense breast tissue right where I said it was, but nope, no cancer. I performed a Happy Dance all through the halls and out to the arctic temperatures that much of the country is suffering. But ya know what, I’ll take the below freezing temperatures today, because I don’t have breast cancer!

Looking back over the last two weeks, I now wonder if my diagnosis had been different – what if if I did have breast cancer? Those Susan G. Komen Walk for the Cure ads were circulating like crazy these last weeks, and I think I saw every single one of them. Talking about giving women with breast cancer hope, a shot at healing and a long life. Frankly, I was afraid they were talking about me, and it could have easily been me.

“According to the National Cancer Institute (NCI), one in eight women who live to be age 80 will develop breast cancer in her lifetime. This makes the disease the second most commonly diagnosed cancer among American women, after skin cancer.”

What does that tell you? Its out there, and in 1 in 8 of us, its in us, waiting to unleash. If you are over age 40 make sure you get yearly mammograms, or at the frequency advised by your doctor. Love yourself and your friends and family enough to check it out, and keep checking it out. Life may not be perfect, but it is worth having the chance to live it.

For once in my life, I don’t have something and its a good thing.

Have a great weekend!

Grateful, I am. Are you?

by Carollynn on 18 January 2014

in on my mind

grate·ful
ˈgrātfəl/
adjective
adjective: grateful

1.  feeling or showing an appreciation of kindness; thankful.
"I'm very grateful to you for all your help"

— From Google Definitions

GRATEFUL

A number of blogger-type folks selected words for the year, words they plan to keep at the front of their brainpans, and see where this particular word consciousness will take them through 2014. It’s an interesting concept, and I’ve enjoyed reading where the 2013 words have led some folks.

Like many bloggers, I struggle with keeping my blog fresh and providing regular posts that will hopefully garner a following. And therein lies my problem, I haven’t defined my blogging goals, — i.e. how large do I want my audience to be? Because if I do define that goal, it means I have to make plans to develop and maintain that audience. And I just don’t know if I really want to work that hard, especially after putting in 10-12 hours at my day job. Yeah, I’m a bit lazy these days, and a bit ambivalent about this blog moving forward. I also struggle with what topics I might share out into the blogosphere that someone — anyone — might even care to read, or more importantly, comment on because that is what blogging means. I put some topic out there, and then hopefully you comment back, that starts a conversation that is productive, and interesting, perhaps even witty and insightful. Yikes, I see some goals forming. Anyway, what I really wanted to do is to tell some folks out in the blogosphere, that I am grateful that they have goals and seem to have their proverbial “pooh” together enough to put outposts that are well written, creative, thoughtful, interesting, witty, insightful, and most of all, make me laugh my ass off. So here’s to my favorites:

1. Valorie Hart – The Visual Vamp. She is the epitome of kick ass. Is there anything she can’t do? Event producer, award-winning Tango dancer, and instructor, interior decorator, author, and stylish beyond belief. If this woman is in your corner, you are covered. Her sweetheart of a husband, Alberto, is no slouch, either. I am grateful to know you and call you my friend.

1. Another NOLA resident, Cheryl Nichols of A Pleasant House. Lord, this woman tells some truths, and they are stunningly funny and heart grab-ingly (yep, another made-up word) arresting. She has the intestinal fortitude to tell it like it is, or perhaps as it should be. I wish I were more like her. I hope we become real friends in real life. She is my favorite new blog read. I am grateful Cheryl has the guts to say the stuff that rolls around in my head, but am too chicken to put out on the web.

1. Victoria Elizabeth Barnes, of the blog of the same name. Whenever I wonder if some decorating idea or project is too much to tackle, or simply an over-the-top, too crazy for words idea, I ask myself WWVEBD? And then, I imagine VEB would decide she was the master over any obstacle (great or small), smarter than anyone around her, and just GO. DO.IT. Whatever “IT” was. She gives me the courage to go forth and do stuff, no matter that I really have no idea how to actually do stuff – Sheesh, we all know I can simply look it up online, I mean, SERIOUSLY, how hard (or back-breaking) can demo’ing and retiling a bathroom actually be? Easy-peasy with VEB in my head. I am grateful to her for her courage to go and do, and be brutally honest about how well her best-laid plans actually went. Oh, yeah, and she says the most insanely wonderful stuff, to the point where I laugh so hard, I cry. Everyone needs this sort of fun in their life.

KariAnne of Thistlewood Farms – I can’t say I’ve ever had a better cheerleader than KariAnne. You read her blog, and OMG, it’s as if she’s known you all your life. And then there’s her talent and her projects. While we really don’t share the same decorating style or house – hers is a large farmhouse in the country and mine is a small cape cod in an urban neighborhood, I am so blown away by the things she accomplishes, and how she is willing to tell you how she did it. KariAnne doesn’t know me from all the hundreds or thousands of other followers of her blog, but she always makes me feel as if she does — I am grateful that several times a week she invites me into her world to share some of her time and her projects. You are THE ROCKSTAR.

To wrap up this post, my word for 2014 is grateful. I’m grateful to the four bloggers above who do what they do, not only for this audience of one but for the larger blogosphere – we are incredibly lucky to have you around. Yeah, they’re my bloggy girl crushes.

In other words, I’m grateful to have the opportunity to write this blog, and to have the right to write what I want, without fear of censorship. I’m grateful to have the love and respect of a wonderful partner, who supports me in what I do for a living and in my hobbies. I’m grateful to have two amazing Beagle Grrr Girls to snuggle and play with each and every day. I’m grateful to have a job that I love, and that I make a decent living online. And finally, I’m grateful to you out there, whoever you are, that is reading this blog.

If you don’t mind me asking, what are you grateful for in 2014?

Snow Day

by Carollynn on 3 January 2014

in Life After Work

Its not officially a snow day, but check out the balmy weather we’re experiencing today: 19 degrees Fahrenheit. Its making this Florida girl shiver right down to her Uggs.

Seriously, its 19 degrees out?!

My best friend sent me this cute IM photo earlier from the Tampa – St. Pete area.

48 degrees in Tampa/St. Pete – such a luxury!

Seriously, cry me a river of icicles – that’s what January weather is SUPPOSED to be. Or at least what I’ve come to expect in the 13 years I’ve lived just below the Mason-Dixon line, and can still technically call my self a southerner. (Ha!)

On a more festive note, we actually did a wee bit more than the Charlie Brown Christmas tree decor – namely Tim did, the day before we left for Florida for the holiday. The Redbud in the front yard and the front porch were festooned in lights. Pretty, right?

Lighted Redbud – I’ve cheated and used last years photo

Now, look at the Redbud last night – with about an inch of snow on it. This is the one AND ONLY time I think snow makes stuff prettier.

Lighted Redbud in my front yard, festooned in snow.

I know this is nothing like the Snow-nami we had in February of 2010 – as she gets down on her knees to pray/beg for no more snow-nami’s in her lifetime – but its freakin cold outside. Just to go to work I had to shovel the front porch, the stairs, the sidewalk and then de-snowify (yes, that’s a word I just made up) my car. In other words – I . HATE . THIS . STUFF.

Sorry for my rant, but I really am a mis-located Floridian.

Florence, a Ghost of my Christmas Past

by Carollynn on 14 December 2013

in Life After Work

We’re spending the holidays with my best friend this year, so not much entertaining will occur at our house. It felt weird to not decorate, but with a whole lot happening at work , I wasn’t up to full on Christmas decor. So we picked up a small Christmas tree from the grocery store, and added a small string of battery operated LED lights. There’s a little Christmas spirit. Simple, colorful, neat, right?

2013 Charlie Brown Christmas Tree

Earlier in the week, I purchased several sets of vintage German and Polish Christmas ornaments on eBay to augment the ones I inherited from my parents. One set was scheduled for delivery today, and these would get scattered around other parts of the house in keeping with the simple and neat decorating theme. The colors were a good match for the hot pink, gold, silver and blue that came from my mother’s 1960’s Christmas decor. The image on eBay just showed a general overview of the lot, not a whole lot of detail, and since I paid next to nothing for them, the individual ornaments weren’t of great consequence.

Small lot of German and Polish vintage Christmas ornaments

The parcel arrived early in the day, and I began unwrapping the lovingly packaged ornaments. As you can see from the above photo, you really only get a general impression of the ornaments, not a lot of detail. So I was completely unprepared when I removed the tissue paper surrounding the first ornament – it was a simple metallic red orb, nothing spectacular. You can see it on the far right side of the eBay picture. What was it that took that humble little red orb from commonplace, to staggering? It was the neatly embossed, silvery white glitter writing on the ornament that stole my breath away — it was my mother’s name – Florence.

The Flo Ornament

What you many not know is Christmas is a bittersweet time for me, I sometimes struggle to find the joy and wonder the season is supposed to bring. I lost both my parents early in life, and the memories of Christmas with them are the best, but also the hardest for me to remember. No matter how old I am, I still feel this lack of them, and it is especially true during the Christmas season. This little ornament was the equivalent of a big emotional walloping upside my head today, and I’m not too proud to admit that I shed a good deal of tears as I held it in my hand. I was speechless for several minutes as I tried to understand what the universe — or rather, what my mother — 20 + years gone from this earth, was trying to say to me.

So this is it: She answered a long standing prayer today, by sending me a sign – literally a sign, she’s still watching over me. I take it as her kick in the pants that I should remember her, and her love for this most happy of holidays. I’m reminded to celebrate the reason for the season, and the coming together with the ones you love.

I hope you and yours have a very Merry Christmas, wherever you are.

Ralph Brennan’s Jazz Kitchen Andouille-Parmesan Grits

by Carollynn on 12 May 2013

in Cajun & Creole Cooking Sundays

Disneyland, Anaheim, CA

Last Thanksgiving, while visiting family in Orange County, we made a pilgrimage the original Disneyland. My last visit was when I was 2 1/2 years old. To say I didn’t remember it was right and wrong. Growing up in Orlando, FL, Walt Disney World was in my backyard and we made regular trips to the House of Mouse several times a year, whether we had guests in town or not. So while it had been many decades since I last visited the original Disneyland, it wasn’t unfamiliar to me. I was however, amazed at how small it was comparitively. I knew from years of comparisons that it was smaller, but you just don’t get how much smaller until you’re there. Don’t get me wrong, its not bad smaller, just scale wise, if you’re used to one perspective, the other perspective is startling.

Ralph Brennan’s Jazz Kitchen in Downtown Disney, Anaheim, CA

What was new to me was the California Downtown Disney. I know, Orlando has one of those, too, but I’ve been gone long enough that whatever was there, isn’t any longer. So when my cousins and I went through Downtown Disney to get to the park entrance we walked past Ralph Brennan’s Jazz Kitchen and then we stopped in for lunch. I’m a sucker for all things NOLA, and since one of the venerated restaurant families of NOLA agreed to put their name on a Disney restaurant, I had to try it. Expectations were high (A Brennan’s restaurant at Disney!) and low (we weren’t in NOLA, we were in Southern California). Anyway, I had a very traditional NOLA recipe – Barbequed Shrimp and Grits. Let me be perfectly clear: I . WAS . NOT . DISAPPOINTED. I was so not disappointed that I searched high and low for the recipe, and finally found it on the Downtown Disney website which was easy to find thanks to the great hosting it has from sites as Armchair Empire. I’ve made the grits a number of times, and this has to be one of the easiest recipes ever. They are good as a side dish for many other meals — to be perfectly frank, we love these grits so much, sometimes, a bowl of these ARE dinner with a bit of french bread. Those on a diet should opt for a small portion, as there is a full stick of butter, heavy whipping cream and Parmesan cheese in this side dish. The recipe for both Shrimp and Grits are below. I hope you enjoy them as much as we do.

BBQ Shrimp & Grits on a white square plate

Ralph Brennan’s Jazz Cafe BBQ Shrimp & Grits

Andouille-Parmesan Grits

Ingredients:

6 tablespoons unsalted butter
1/2 medium onion, diced
1/4 pound andouille sausage, diced
3 cups low-sodium chicken stock
1 cup grits
1 cup heavy cream
1 tablespoon freshly grated Parmesan cheese * I add 1/4 cup cos I love Parmesan Cheese!
1 tablespoon chopped fresh parsley
Coarse salt, to taste

Preparation:
Combine butter, onion, and andouille sausage in a large, heavy-bottomed saucepan over medium heat. Sauté until onion is soft and translucent. Add chicken stock and bring to a boil. Whisk in grits and reduce heat to low. Cover and cook, stirring frequently, until thickened, about 10 to 12 minutes. Whisk in cream and cook, uncovered, 3 to 5 minutes more. Remove pan from heat and stir in Parmesan and parsley. Add salt to taste.

Barbeque Shrimp

Ingredients:

1 pound medium shrimp (about 30 shrimp), peeled and deveined
1/4 cup shrimp stock (may substitute chicken stock)
1/2 lemon, juiced
2 tablespoons Worcestershire sauce
1 1/2 tablespoons coarsely ground black pepper
1 teaspoon Creole seasoning
1 teaspoon minced garlic
1 stick (1/4 pound) unsalted butter, cut into 1/2-inch cubes
1 teaspoon chopped fresh parsley, garnish

Preparation:
Combine shrimp, stock, lemon juice, Worcestershire, pepper, Creole seasoning, and garlic in a large, deep-sided sauté pan over high heat. Simmer, turning shrimp over, until shrimp are just firm and opaque, about 2 minutes. Reduce the heat to medium and add butter to the pan, swirling butter into sauce. Scoop grits into a shallow serving bowl. Top with shrimp and sauce. Garnish with parsley and serve immediately.

God Made a Dog – Video

by Carollynn on 6 May 2013

in the grrrr girls

In honor of my GRRRR Girls, who are just amazing, and most definitely a gift from God.

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